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Mother Nurture
© Rick Hanson, Ph.D., and Jan Hanson, M.S., L.Ac.,
2005
Helping "Moody" Kids
Sometimes our 3-year-old is cheerful, but little
things can always set him off, and then he seems
grumpy and "blue" for longer than it seems like he
should. Not to get paranoid, but depression runs
in my husband's family, and I'm already starting
to wonder about our son.
For starters, please know that it's extremely rare
for a preschooler to be clinically depressed,
unless something seriously traumatic has happened.
It sounds more like your son is just vulnerable to
getting bumped into a bad mood, and that it's
harder than one would like for him to climb back
out of his slump. And he sounds very normal; lots
of other kids have similar tendencies.
So - what to do? Here are some basic principles,
and parents with spirited or anxious children
could probably benefit from trying these
approaches as well.
• Make sure there's lots of nurturance - Kids like
your son have extra needs for the stabilizing
benefits of parental attention, but with
everybody's busy schedules these days, it's easy
sometimes for a child to get lost in the shuffle.
Ask yourself, how many minutes a day is each of my
children getting quality one-on-one attention from
me? From my partner? If it's less than 20 minutes
a day per child per parent (and ideally, there'd
be much more time), that's going to create
problems.
• Encourage the child to soak in happy experiences
- Depending on her age, find ways to help her take
good moments into herself, so she builds up a
positive emotional memory. Moody, spirited, and
anxious children particularly need to access
positive feelings inside in order to soothe
themselves, calm down, and not give up when life's
hard. Have her imagine she's a sponge absorbing
good feelings, or that she's got a treasure chest
in her heart for them. Try spending a few minutes
each night before bed reviewing the day and
recalling or thinking about things that make her
feel good - and then have her soak them in.
• Keep stress down - Stress seems to roll right
off the backs of some kids, but that's the
exception, not the rule, and moody, anxious, or
spirited kids are like human velcro when it comes
to stress. Make a serious effort to avoid long
days of childcare, overscheduling, too few breaks,
and inappropriate expectations. Also try to hold
your temper, since the single biggest stressor for
most young children is their mom's or dad's anger.
• Ask the preschool teacher, a trusted friend, or
a counselor for advice - A second pair of eyes
might see things you don't that could be affecting
your child (marital problems? a pushy big brother?
too hectic at home? too much yelling? a bully at
school?) and have some good ideas about what could
help.
• Maintain good general nutrition - The guidelines
are obvious but worth repeating: Protein with
every meal, especially breakfast (no sweet cereal,
toast with jam, or Pop Tarts!); if your child's in
preschool, find out how long he goes there without
a protein-rich snack. Low sugar, especially in
drinks. Fresh fruit and vegetables, and whole
grains.
• Watch out for food allergies - A surprising
number of children are allergic to foods made from
the gluten grains (e.g., wheat, oats, rye,
barley), milk, or eggs - even if they do not have
obvious symptoms (though a routinely runny nose
and/or dark circles under the eyes are clues).
Try completely eliminating foods from one of these
sources for ten days, and see if there is a marked
improvement in mood, resilience, energy, etc. If
not, move on to eliminating foods from another
group. (If you're not quite sure, on one occasion
give the child a lot of the food after the ten
days and see if there is an obvious return of
symptoms.) Alternately, you could do a food
sensitivity panel (requiring a blood draw, ouch)
with a licensed health practitioner who is
experienced in its analysis.
If you've determined that there is, indeed, a food
allergy, yes, it's a pain in the neck, but better
to know than to be in the dark. There truly are
plenty of alternative, tasty foods; we know this
from personal experience, since our son is
allergic to wheat, etc.
• Give a basic, high-quality supplement - In a
perfect world, all children would get the
nutrition needed for optimal health (beyond being
merely not-sick). But in the real world, few get
all the vitamins, minerals, and other nutrients
they need. Therefore, look for a high-quality
"multi" (the best are found at your health food
store) in a form that your child will take.
• Consider specific supplements - Two nutrients
have a particular benefit for mood issues, and
they're listed just below with recommended
dosages. Since these are natural substances the
body is used to (and in fact, needs to survive),
they generally have no side effects, and are very
safe to use.
Essential fatty acids - We suggest "molecularly
distilled" fish oils (flax oil is an option for
vegetarians, but it's often just not as effective
as fish oil, alas). Try about half a teaspoon a
day for a young child, either liquid (if they'll
take it, perhaps mixed in their food, but not
heated), or in small capsules; Nordic Naturals is
an excellent brand.
B vitamins - Deficits in all of the B-vitamins
have been shown to lower mood;, and vitamins B-6
and B-12, and folic acid are particularly
important. Try to get your child to swallow a high
potency B-complex pill, ideally in the morning (it
could be a little stimulating), and don't worry
about the natural result of turning his urine
bright yellow. You could also try B-12, which is
placed under the tongue to dissolve.
• Maybe try 5-hydroxytryptophan (5-HTP) - You've
probably heard of serotonin, the neurotransmitter
that has a major role in regulating mood. The body
builds it from the amino acid, tryptophan, and the
next-to-last step is 5-HTP. You can get this
supplement in any health food store, and it has
good research support for mild depression in
adults. It's smart to be cautious about anything
that affects a developing child's brain, but if
you've tried everything else and there are still
problems, for a child 6 or older (perhaps younger
if you're working with a licensed,
nutritionally-oriented health practitioner) you
might consider 50 milligrams a day, taken in the
morning.
• Take good care of yourself, and your marriage -
It's a simple fact: the best way to support your
child's well-being is to take good care of your
own, and to keep teamwork and intimate friendship
alive with your mate. Moody children bring extra
stresses to their parents: a special reason to
nurture yourself.
*******
(Rick Hanson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist,
Jan Hanson, M.S., L.Ac., is an
acupuncturist/nutritionist, and they are raising a
daughter and son, ages 15 and 18. With Ricki
Pollycove, M.D., they are the first and second
authors of Mother Nurture: A Mother’s Guide to
Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships,
published by Penguin. You can see their website at
www.nurturemom.com or email them with questions or
comments at info@nurturemom.com; unfortunately, a
personal reply may not always be possible.)
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