Free Samples Free Stuff
MOM PACK™ SITE TEAM: MOM PACK ™ SPONSOR 1: MOM PACK ™ SPONSOR 2: MOM PACK ™ SPONSOR:

mplogoclear.jpg (12653 bytes) 

 
... to support our mutual goals of success through an innovative, free advertising partnership.
Mom 2 Mom Directory Advertise   Link To Us  HOME  Contact Us   
  ALL ABOUT
What's a Mom Pack™?
Mom 2 Mom Directory
First Time Visitor?
FAQ's of Life
Message Boards
Our Text Link Moms
This That Other
Important News
Member Agreement
Give Back Program
Give Back Updates
Sponsor Details
Member Benefits
Filler Samples
Brainstorming Moms
Mom Pack on Today
Show!
 
  FREE STUFF
Filler Templates Galore
Filler Organizer Sheet
Free Book Marks
Filler Cards
Free Notepads
Mom's Taxi Notes
Free Fonts
  FOR MEMBERS
Member 2 Member
Web Hosting Plans
65 Places To Leave
Mom Packs™
Leaving Mom Packs™
Text Link Moms
Program
Goal Buddy Program
Message Boards
Web Ring
Link To Us
 
Busted Scammers
Mom Pack Wishes
Useful Articles
Mother Nurture
Kent Rowald Patent Lawyers
There's More!
 
Need A Web Host?
Mom Pack Members
get web hosting
discounts through our
mother-site
The Design
Shoppe.

Dependable, reliable
and affordable too!

Click Here for coupon
codes & details.
Another Mom Pack Owned
Site:
Free Fonts from thedesignshoppe.com!
 
We're Awarded!
For the Kids!
Mom Pack Recommends:

 


NOTE:  Bag shop - temporarily closed.

 

Mother Nurture @ Mom Pack

Mom Pack™ supports Mother Nurture column
by:  Rick Hanson, Ph.D

 

Reducing Sibling Rivalry

If our two-year-old sees me hugging her four-year-old big brother, she'll rush over - saying loudly, "No! My mommy! Go away!" - and try to push him away. He's getting more and more frustrated with her and starting to push back pretty hard. Their squabbles are already probably the biggest single source of stress in my life -- and it's getting worse.

Our siblings are usually the people we know longest in this life, but it's striking how many people have distant, even hostile relations with their brothers and sisters. Family tensions related to sibling rivalries wear on parents individually, and sometimes can challenge their marriage - so it's important to tackle them in steady, systematic ways.

Signs of Deeper Issues
Sibling squabbles are usually a marker, a symptom, of underlying issues, such as:
• Depleted, stressed-out parents
• Disengaged fathers
• Too much child care
• Over-busy, chaotic homes
• Not enough time and nurturance given to children
• Not enough parental authority
• Unmanaged temperamental or health problems

Ask yourself if any of these could be a factor in the sibling issues in your family. If so, make a serious plan with your partner to address it - and consider the practical suggestions in the rest of this column.
In a family, just like in any other situation, if we keep working at something - and stick with it - it usually gets better.

Before the Second (or Third, etc.) Baby Comes
• Fill up the "bank" of personal and marital well-being before things really hit the fan: eat well, get lots of sleep, don't start a remodel (or new business!), be extra loving and patient with each other, and so on.
• Get the older child settled in any new, practical arrangements that you've been planning well before your due date, like weaning, moving out of the family bed, adding a couple days at preschool, etc. (But we must add that it's often helpful to continue co-sleeping with both the older child and the toddler in the parent's bedroom as a way to ease the transition to Baby Makes Four [or Five . . .]).
• Build up the father's relationship with the older child - since dad is going to need to fill the vacuum left by mom's shift of attention and care to the helpless infant.
• Try to give the older child some experience with infants. In age-appropriate ways, do what you can to explain how his or her life will change when the baby arrives.
• Set up in advance lots of great support for mom, dad, and marriage when the new child arrives: a doula, some housecleaning, help from relatives, a little extra in the bank, etc.

Especially During the First Year - But Also Thereafter
• Really keep an eye on replenishing yourself. There's no way to avoid getting worn out, but you don't have to hit bottom. Protein with every meal, sacrifice housework for sleep, get out of the house, reach out to other parents, take your vitamins, make yourself get exercise -- all the common-sense things you can do if you set your mind to it.
• Cut the older child as much slack as you can (and without creating an enduring behavior problem). Remember that she has been supplanted, and that she sees her rival every day occupying the throne she once held.
• Make sure dad and others give the older child a lot of time and love.
• Daily if possible, arrange for some time when the father or others takes care of the infant so that the mother can spend good, one-to-one time with the older child.
• Minimize the occasions when the younger one wrecks the moment of the older one - as in the example at the top of this column.
• To the older child, keep pointing out instances when the younger one was interested in him, and really looked up to him

In General
• Try to create routine situations in which the two children enjoy each other's company, like doing fun things together with a parent.
• Beware "tilting" toward one child or another, such as over-protecting the younger child and being too demanding of the older one.
• Parents have got to be willing to be the justice system in the family -- otherwise, it's the law of the jungle: most of the time, kids do not actually work it out among themselves: it's that whoever can hit the hardest or yell the loudest or work the grown-ups most skillfully is the one who prevails.
• Parents create justice in the home through standing for certain values, having clear "house rules," and using a skillful combination of rewards and penalties. For example, think about how the kids have mistreated each other over the past few days, and turn those incidents into rules that would stop them from happening in the future.
Of course, usually you have to back up the rules with consequences, but that's just Parenting 101, and already familiar to us all. The key is naming the rule (e.g., No Hitting. No Grabbing Stuff. No Interrupting. No Put-Downs.) and then getting serious about enforcing it just about every single time.
• Have an attitude of "I AM THE BOSS. I AM IN CHARGE. I WILL NOT BE DEFEATED. I WILL PREVAIL!" That confidence will help sustain your efforts, plus your kids will sense it and be more willing to cooperate.


*******

(Rick Hanson, Ph.D. is a clinical psychologist, Jan Hanson, M.S., L.Ac., is an acupuncturist/nutritionist, and they are raising a daughter and son, ages 14 and 17. With Ricki Pollycove, M.D., they are the first and second authors of Mother Nurture: A Mother’s Guide to Health in Body, Mind, and Intimate Relationships, published by Penguin. You can see their website at www.nurturemom.com or email them with questions or comments at info@nurturemom.com; unfortunately, a personal reply may not always be possible.)

 

 



Moms promoting moms...that's what we're all about.

 
 
Mom Pack™ Sponsor:
What is a sponsor?
 
 
Mom Pack™ Disclaimer
 
Mom Pack™ © 2000 - 2013 MomPack.com. All rights reserved.
No portion of this website maybe copied or used by anyone other than members of The Mom Pack™ and with approval of the
Mom Pack Staff. Any misuse of information here at The Mom Pack™ will result in legal action. So don't do it.
Remember, we are moms....we know everything.......
 
The MomPack™ is grateful
to its
volunteers and sponsors.
  Design & Hosting by:
The Design Shoppe
Concept by:
Korff Originals
Mom Pack Friends:

 





    
 
 
"10" height="12">